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B-Side - Mario Vs Sonic
Lyrics

It started back in the eighties

A plumber jumping on some heads

Peaked cap with the letter M on

Blue overalls, his shirt is red

That guy he ate up all his mushrooms

They made him grow to twice his size

And somehow flowers gave him fireballs

Then he got a tail so he could fly

-

His rival was a blue hedgehog

Who just wouldn’t slow down

Jump-tucked into a spinning ball

And rode the loops around

His magic sneakers

Would give him ultra-speed

To dash to the level’s end

And set the animals free

-

MARIO VS SONIC, MARIO VS SONIC

WHO WOULD WIN OUTRIGHT?

MARIO VS SONIC, MARIO VS SONIC

I’D LIKE TO SEE THAT FIGHT

-

The plumber is a coin collector

Bashes his money out of block

Slides down tubes, and avoids pitfalls

Carries keys to their locks

He has a brother called Luigi

Bowser is his enemy

Many times these two have battled

Cos Bowser always kidnaps Peach

-

Hedgehog likes to grab some rings

While flying through the air

Bouncing from spring to spring

Destroying Eggman’s lair

He looks for the emeralds

With Knuckles and Tails

Intent on ensuring

Eggman’s evil plan will fail

-

MARIO VS SONIC, MARIO VS SONIC

WHO WOULD WIN OUTRIGHT?

MARIO VS SONIC, MARIO VS SONIC

I’D LIKE TO SEE THAT FIGHT

-

If they met, head to head, hedgehog blue and plumber red

Who would stand tall at the end, and say “Game Over, friend”?

-

MARIO VS SONIC, MARIO VS SONIC

WHO WOULD WIN OUTRIGHT?

MARIO VS SONIC, MARIO VS SONIC

I’D LIKE TO SEE THAT FIGHT

Lowdown

You can do anything with a B-Side. I mean, literally anything. You could probably get away with one about necrophilia if you wanted. Thankfully I don't have the necessary experience to do so (although I aim to get it before I put another album up here)

KIDDING!

Anyway, Mario Vs Sonic is a heartfelt exploration of the forbidden love between these two characters and their secret liaisons in a bush near Sainsburys. The bush was unharmed in the making of this blatantly fake, load of bollocks lowdown, although it was chopped down afterwards and made into matchsticks.

It only takes one bush, to make a thousand matches, it only takes one match to burn a thousand holes in this lowdown because I haven't a fucking clue where I'm going with it.

I'll leave you with the realisation that you just wasted 2 minutes of your life reading this, and salute your ability to work out what the song's about. Let's face it, if you can't, you really should be listening to music by Spying Canine instead of this enlightened offering.

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